Authentic heart, revealed (No pictures!!!)

Hello readers.  I am doing something completely new here.  Or maybe not completely new, come to think of it, after all.  I am putting my heart out there for you, my dear blog readers.  I used to do that actually, on my old blog, up until I got divorced 4 years ago, and started this new blog.  I guess I felt ashamed of getting a divorce and so I stopped putting my personal life stories on this new blog.  However, in real life I am very authentic and it has been nagging me lately that I am not being authentic on this blog.  I just feel something welling up inside and I know that it is time.  For a long time I have kept my true heart close and hidden on this blog because life is truly so painful sometimes that it was just so much nicer to put my art, my scrapbook pages, my cards out there instead of my heart.  I've been giving the world nice pictures, but keeping my words, my heart, for myself. 

So what I want to say is this:  Every moment of every single thing that I have been through has brought me to where I am right now and I AM PROUD OF WHO I HAVE BECOME.  I have just very recently discovered that in fact I have an extraordinary, inspirational story to share and so I am going to start sharing it.  Daddy abandoned little girl.  Foster child. Abusive first marriage.  Second marriage to my childhood sweetheart.  34 year old first time mom after years of infertility, and 2 miscarriages.  Post-partum depression.  Thyroid Cancer discovered when my son, William, was 6 weeks old.  Radiation and a 2 week separation from William when he was 6 months old.  Thyroid medication malfunctions off and on for the past year resulting in serious health problems and short term memory loss.  Cancer possibly metastasizing last month and then finding out it was a false alarm.  Carried through all of this on the wings of Grace given to me by my heavenly Father.

I went to this amazing conference (Soul Sisters 2013 http://www.magpiegirlgatherings.com/why-gathering-matters-the-results/why-gathering-matters-the-results/) 2 weeks ago in Troutdale, OR and it changed my life exponentially in so many ways.  I have many, many stories that I could share, but one story seems to be begging to be told right now, so here goes...

I'm sitting at a "coaches" dinner just answering questions, as usual completely embarrassed at my crazy, klutzy misadventures, when out of the blue one of the coaches, a published author and poet, looks at me and says something along the lines of the following, "Christina, you are an amazing storyteller.  I might have to use you as a teacher someday in one of my workshops."  My mouth just dropped open.  Literally.  I was speechless for a moment, and then I said, "Me?!?!?! Are you kidding me?  No one has EVER said that to me before.  Rather, I am constantly embarrassed by how often I mess up, get things wrong, trip and fall, have "accidents", etc..."  And she said, "That's what makes you so interesting to listen to.  You're a natural storyteller."  I was blown away.  Something that had ALWAYS been a deep source of shame to me had suddenly become a source of pride.  If that could be true of me, that a defect could suddenly become a powerful ability, what else could be true?  The possibilities were endless...

See, I have been keeping silent out of shame, thinking there was something wrong with me, that somehow I was more "bad" than others.  I am learning that this false belief keeps me, and I'm sure many others, from sharing their hearts and their lives.  And sharing our hearts and lives is how we find healing, and growth, and powerful living.  We need each other's stories.  So now I am giving you mine.

So that's just one story for now, many more to come.  I will try to write an authentic blog post every once in awhile on here, interspersed with all my art projects...thank you for listening, and hope you enjoyed seeing right into my true heart...